Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
