I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
