i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
