i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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