Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
