Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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