every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
