I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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