if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
