Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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