Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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