Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
