I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That was before I lit my hair on fire
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
