If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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