were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
