She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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