New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
