someone threw a dead crab at me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
