1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
