i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
