Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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