you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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