Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
