Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Alive.
So much puke
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
