matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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