we were pretty classy up until the second keg
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
