Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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