Your mouth is God's brothel.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
