i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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