She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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