The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
