just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
