I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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