Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
