you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
