I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
