he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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