I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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