before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
