my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it's like heaven, but drunker
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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