just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
