Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
