i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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