Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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