At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
