i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
