listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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