I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
