Who wears a wallet chain?!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
