Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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