My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
