are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
