maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
