Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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