so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Houston, we have a blender
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
